(no subject)

[dewinged]

...

"I..." I could say a lot. My interests, but he'd think I'm a dork. Or that closet gay thing, and the fact I thought he was cute. But, I wanted to have him talk to me again so that was a 'No.' "I'm not sure what to tell."

"Good," he said, with a firm nod, deep blue eyes alight with some...weird inner light. If eyes could grin, that's what it would look like, I decided. "Either you don't know what I don't know yet, or you won't tell. So, I get to hang out with you more until you decide to do so." He pulled me inexhorably towards the hot-dog cart. For a little guy (I was about four to five inches taller than he was), he was strong enough, or I was just feeling all shades of weak. "But let's go. Lemonade. We're burning daylight, here."

While he was dragging me along, I gave Noah a look behind his back. Burning daylight? It was Eleven-thirty in the morning. In August. We wouldn't see the sunset for close to nine hours, at the most.

Damn. He was right. We were wasting time.

So, in that span of a few minutes, I did get to meet the Jamal that Noah mentioned previously. A tall, balding man, he greeted me with a smile whose brightness was a start contrast to the dark tone of his skin, Jamal chatted amiably with Noah while he sold us the drinks. I stood to the side, letting them chat it up a bit. They seemed to be talking about some of the regulars in the park; other people who spent enough time in the same place so that others knew them by name, if not by sight. Noah introduced me, which was a calm little meeting outside of the chaos richcheting through my head at the moment. At the other kid's promting, Jamal brought out the pictures of Tina, his three-year-old daughter. She was dressed in a little girl's bikini, obviously hamming it up and posing for the camera, which was a source of amusement for the three of us. Cute kid, really.

I didn't think that the lemonade I was drinking, walking with Noah down into the deeper paths into the park, was the best I had ever tasted. Usually, I hated the processed, bottled drinks, since they tasted too watered-down for me. It was cold, though, and something else to focus on besides my walking companion as we continued in relative silence. Odd thing? It did taste a little bit better. I wondered if it was just better stuff, or a psychosomatic reaction to not wanting to offend the cute young guy who had bought me one.

"What?" Noah suddenly asked, turning those painful blue eyes over to me again. The drink and the shade were doing wonders, and the eyes seemed to glow with a light all their own in the shadows of the trees sheltering us from above.

"Hmm?" This was, of course, asked while the lip of the bottle was pressed against my lips. My eyebrows rose, curious.

"You're quiet," he said, with an expression on his face that I just couldn't read, at first glance. We had been walking quietly since we left the hot-dog cart. "What're you thinking?"

I let myself smile again, nodding my head. I wasn't going to argue with him. I found out, very fast, that doing so was going to be futile. Besides, I found myself not wanting him mad at me, the ramifications of that not lost on me at all. Damnit, Martel, you got it bad.

"A lot of things," I admitted again. Some of the bigger parts of that lots of things were aspects I was not able to vocalize. I knew what it was, since I could feel my heart sinking as I considered it. This was so, so very doomed, I thought. "I guess I got kind of knocked over, with all of this." I glanced back to him again. "I didn't know. Couldn't have."

"I know," he answered, getting a little quiet about it as we walked. He drained a good fourth of the bottle as we walked, the yellow liquid sloshing against the side of the plastic container with the constant motion. "I..." He stopped, apparently thinking about it.

"Hmm?" Yeah, I was really into the noises today. Words were fleeing in and out of my head as we walked. A lot of things I couldn't really put my finger on, even if I stopped to write the shit down.

"Sorry," Noah said, coming to an abrupt stop. "I mean, sorry if I freaked you out before, Kieran." He looked contrite, I'll give him that much. But damn, him saying my name would have made up for anything short of trying to kill me, really. "Seeing you, and remembering who you were, it kinda threw me for a loop."

Hello, surprise. "Really," I asked, coming to a stop myself. I felt my thumb slip over the top of the open bottle I was carrying, standing unconscious guard against random flies and such, just in case. "It sounded like you were expecting me to show up today, or something."

"Oh, hell no," Noah said. "I remember what happened, but shit, with a city this size? Millions of people, man. No way I could have seen this coming. That guy who talks to ghosts on TV couldn't see this coming."

"So ghosts don't tell the future?"

His first answer was a shrug. "Hell if I know," he said. "Never saw one."

This pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks, at least mentally. "Wait. You believe in ghosts?" I was being sarcastic, sort of. But, I had that whole Camelot hobby. But that was all stories, in my mind. Myths.

"Yeah." Noah didn't look embarassed by that, as our eyes met again. Weird, weird stuff.

"And magic?"

"Definitely," he replied. He saw my skeptical look, and I felt something...slip, in his eyes. Almost sad. Not quite, but almost. "Not like making things vanish, or calling lightning and shit," he said. "But, little things you can't explain. Like when you're thinking about someone you haven't talked to in months, and they call." His smile came back, a touch, even if his eyes still held that same look. "Look at where we are, Kieran."

"Kier," I said. "You can call me Kier if you want." I looked around, at his request, and turned back to him with another quizzical look. "We're in a park."

"Not what I meant," he said while he moved to a nearby bench, and dropped down into it. "I meant us. Right now. That whole thing with the baseball and the bushes, it was two years ago, right? And here we are, talking to each other."

I wanted to speak up, and tell him we'd have been talking much sooner if not for outside interference. But it didn't seem relevant at the time. "But that's how it works," I said, flashing a grin to him. I wanted to reassure that sad Noah under the smile he was keeping for me. I wanted to throw my arm over his shoulder so much it fucking hurt, but I held back. "If you stay in one spot long enough, everyone you've ever met in your life will eventually pass by that point. I heard that, once."

I was not able to really explain the look he gave me then. A mix of skepticism and pure joy, besides. The odd feeling his gaze gave me had parted, which I saw in his smile. "Do you really believe that?" he asked.

"Eh," I admitted, shrugging my own shoulders. "Not really."

"Me neither," he said. "But you kinda get what I mean when I say stuff about magic." He pulled one leg up under him as he turned to face me again, chuckling. "Okay, let me explain it this way. There is no such thing as 'it just happens.' Even if we don't see it, there is a reason behind every single thing that happens in the world. It's not all good, but it's meant to happen. We call it magic because we might not see how it all connects."

"So...there's higher powers involved?"

Noah cocked an eyebrow at me. "Atheist?"

"Nope." Which was true: I did believe in God. Not that I'm a huge church-goer or anything, but I did believe. I was more into the idea that faith was a personal thing, more than large ceremonies. Not all that easy to explain.

"Good," I heard Noah murmur, as if relieved about something. I made a promise to ask him about why he reacted that way, someday.

"S'that what this is," I asked. "With us meeting like this? That we were supposed to?" Do I believe in fate? That was an interesting question to mull over, at least. Shit, this was the most interesting thing I'd heard all month. Of course, the month started a few days ago, but still.

"Hell if I know," Noah said, again, giving me an amused grin. "It could just be random." Just so, he leaned closer to me, as if whispering some great secret. He even played it up a bit, looking around as if people may be watching. "But, doesn't the world seem that much cooler if you believe it isn't just chance?"

I turned my face to his as he came closer. He was close enough, and I felt myself slipping into that awkward moment. The one where you hesistate for just a moment, in that 'to kiss or not to kiss' question. Three inches, maybe four, and that small distance stretches out for miles in my mind.

I stopped. I felt my body freeze over despite the warmth of my own blood running through my veins. It was running warm: I could feel it pounding somewhere right behind my eyes. I had never...I was not usually forward about things. Right then, for the first time, I started questioning myself with why.

"It does," I said, dropping my eyes from his. I thought about that as well: was I agreeing with him just so that he'd like me? It wouldn't be the first time I'd done that, I knew. It's how I survived until now, a month before my junior year of high school. Just this once, at least in my mind, I agreed with him because it sounded like what was going through my head. Shit happens. But this...I did see his point. If I believed that it was not just happenstance, it did make it seem more special than just two kids talking in the park. "It's cool."

"See," Noah asked. "It's a kind of magic." His eyes went past me for a moment, as if focusing on something. "We have to get back," he said. "It's...what, almost twelve?"

I checked my watch. "Yep. Quarter to."

This elicited a nod from Noah, again. "Yeah, needed air. Have some plans for today."

Damnit.

So much for hours and hours.

"Ah," I admitted. "Didn't know."

Another chuckle from Noah. "Didn't tell you. I didn't see this coming, like I said." Standing up, he turned, waiting for me. "Nothing big, but it's Saturday, so. I just wanted a little chill time before I went out later, which is why I was in the park. This just happened to turn into a better chill time than I usually have." He stretches his hand towards me, and I would have thought I was crazy if I didn't take it. I didn't need the help to get up, but...any little bit helps. Maybe.

"Yeah," I said, trying to hide the disappointment. He didn't need that from me. "I mean, I just wanted out for a few. Folks are on my neck. Total doghouse."

"Really," he asked. "How come?"

I shrugged. "Came home late last night, and didn't tell them where I was. Just at a friends house with the guys."

"Ahhhhh," he answered. "Party?"

"Not really. Just the guys. Pizza, movies." Here, I didn't hide the blahness of my feelings. It wasn't something Noah did, but the non-events of last night as usual, and the fact that my parents weren't happy about it.

"That..." Noah kept walking in his own quiet thoughts for a moment. "You don't sound like you had a good time."

With a headshake, I confirmed that. "I was..." How was I going to explain it? Sexually frustrated? Annoyed at the lack of seeing something /I/ might have liked, instead of going along with the crowd? Tired of the same-old, same-old...? "Nah. Didn't."

This was responded to with a roll of Noah's eyes. "Now, there's the unfairness of it."

"Huh?" I found myself doing that, still. Arg!

"If you had gone all out," Noah added. "Like, gone wild, partied like it was your last night on earth and showed up back home at three in the morning barely conscious from drinking and dancing, I can see it!" Here, he shook his own head. "But getting yelled at for not having a good time? That just plain blows. I mean, if you're going to get punished or even yelled at, it should be for doing something fantastic."

My mouth hung open for a few seconds before I started to laugh. He got it! Even if the rest of what he said went over my head, this...this he understood. I couldn't say anything as we started walking back to the tables, but I nodded to him to let him know he hit the nail on the head. This triggered a laughing fit out of him, and damned if he didn't have a cute laugh even. We must have looked like we were high, walking through the park and laughing it up like that. I didn't care.

"But...yeah," I said, once I had my breath back. "It's why I was out here. Pissed that I got yelled at for a sucky night out."

"See? Not random. We were both supposed to be here."

"I get it now," I added. "So if a bird flies over and poops on me, it's not bad luck but divine providence?"

This had him laughing again. I could listen to that all day.

"What?" I asked.

"You said 'pooped'."

"Shut up."

We finally reached the chess tables, where Noah started to pack a small cardboard box with the chess pieces he brought. "Point to you," he said. "But...I do need to split."

I had to ask. "Do you want to?"

He stopped for a moment, and slipped the lid on the box. "I do, but it's not like that, Kier," he said. That smile. God could have have struck me dead in that instant, and I'd have felt my life well-lived because I was the recipient of that smile. "This was time well-spent."

I blinked, and I felt my brain start to sink. "You...lost me."

"I meant I liked spending time with you-"

"Nono," I countered. "I got that. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it too." I started looking around, trying to find something. Crap! Not like this! "But you're acting like..." I wanted to kick myself. I was sounding...fuck, I couldn't explain what it was like, again.

"Like what?" Noah looked confused. Hello, payback!

"What's to say we can't hang out again?" I asked.

Once comprehension set in, Noah raised an eyebrow at me again. "Do you want to?"

"Yes," I said, almost breathing the word. "There's no fucking law saying we can't. And hey, you said this was supposed to happen, right? Goddamnit, I had more fun in a half-hour conversation than I did with six hours and nine more people the night before. Why the fuck should ...like, we have to find the cool things for a short time but have to deal with the crap for eons and eons."

I started my little rant, and Noah started to grin again. It was knowing, this time. Somewhere, somehow, he could relate. I could practically feel it. "Well,' he said. "All the crap makes the good times feel more special..."

"Fuck that," I said, still on a tear. I didn't rant much. I usually never even raised my voice off the field. But not this time. I didn't care who saw, or heard. This was my time. "Maybe if people actually tried to make the good times, instead of waiting for them to fall into their laps, we'd have people who didn't sit around people that they're annoyed with." I turned, still looking. "I know who I want to spend time with. Let someone else wait for the bluebird of fucking happiness to poop on their head."

Noah just giggled. "You said-"

"I know what I said!"

"Kier?" he asked, as he moved and clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Kier? It's okay," I turned back to him, feeling the color wash out of my face again.

"Sorry," I said. "Forgive me. I don't know what that was. I just..."

"You just wanted to hang out with someone," he said, calm. Friednly, actually. "You shouldn't let it get you so wound, though. There's no fault in it. I could explain it, but it's not for me to tell. You have to tell me yourself."

"And you said you'd hang out with me until I did tell you something you didn't know."

"Yep," he replied. "But I'd hang out anyway. I was going to ask for your digits."

"S'what I was looking for," I said. "Paper, Pen."

"Of course." Noah reached into the pockets of the cargo shorts, taking out a tiny notepad. From the box of chess pieces, a pen. "Just relax," he said.

"I'm sorry."

"And I said it was okay," he retorted, smiling. "If you don't let go once in a while, you'll end up popping a vessel. Trust me. I've been there. You'll be relieved in about twenty minutes," he added.

"Allright," I said "I'm not like that, usually."

"I can tell."

"So...phone, e-mail...do you have a cel?"

He produced one from those pockets of his. He had enough of them, even on a pair of shorts. "Always."

"I won't call today. You have things."

"Yeah," he answered. "I wouldn't be upset if you did, though."

"Nope. I'll e-mail, but you gotta e-mail me back."

"Duh. That's what e-mail is for. To be answered."

"Tell that to my friends."

"Yours too, huh?"

"Tell me about it," I said, writing down my own info for him. "That hard to hit 'reply' and send a quick message off?"

"You'd be surprised." Once I was done, Noah snatched the pen from my hand, taking some time to write it all down. Phone, e-mail, AIM name, MSN name...hell, you name it, he had it. Ways to communicate all over. Almost...thorough. "But are you free tomorrow? If..."

Oh, too adorable, this one. "Yes," I said. I didn't have plans tomorrow. Usually just watching the game and lazing about this summer.

"We could come here again? Chessboards are always open."

I looked at the paper once more, before stuffing it as far into my pocket as it would go. As well as checking for holes in there. None. Good. No chance of losing it. "I'll warn you know," I said, flashing him another grin. "I don't know how to play."

"Perfect," Noah answered. "That means I can teach you." He looked at his watch again, giving it a glare that should have made the thing leap off his wrist and run away in terror. "But I need to go," he added, not sounding all that enthused about it. "Damn timing," he muttered, and I wasn't sure if he knew I heard. I kept a poker face about it, while the inside of my head was stunned to silence. He...but he said he wanted to do whatever he was going to do today.

"If I'm in the way-"

"No!" Noah said. "No, not that. Just hate interrupted conversations, is all."

"All right," I said, as I watched him tuck the paper with my e-mail and address into another pocket, then buttoning it shut. How does he keep track? "Tomorrow, then?"

"Definitely," he said, picking up his gear. "See you then, Kier."

I chuckled. "Til tomorrow, Noah."

And we parted there. I didn't ask what Noah was up to, before he left. If he wanted to, he'd tell me. As for me, I found myself eyeing the clock too many times during the day. That was it. I needed out. So, I ended up going by myself to the movies. I don't remember what I saw, either, which is just fucking frustrating in and of itself. But it helped past the time.

Later that night, after blowing my brain out on video games, I caught an e-mail. It was Noah's.

-Hey. Doing this from my Cel. Isn't it cool? Can't wait to see you.

N.-

So, I did the first thing I could. I replied.

-Neither can I. Lunch is on me, this time.

Kier.-

Yeah. Tomorrow wouldn't be random at all. That was the last thought I had before sleep finally claimed me, that night...