Dusty Handfuls.

[dewinged]

Saturday morning, and I'm eating some leftover pizza after running errands for the family, again. Grandma goes in for radiation thereapy soon, and I'm not looking forward to it much. She's not well, but I keep thinking this will make it worse. We have a rough summer ahead of us. :(

As for me, I gamed last night, and James didn't show. So, it was a fun and nice-smelling game. I'm almost disappointed, since there's always that chance that he'll keep coming back. And I don't care what he has, I'm not trading HeroClix with him. Like a small dirt aura, there's something about dealing with him that bugs me.

And, I game later today. Little John's game at Christine's store. And...a part of me really wants Michael to show up. Maybe, just maybe I'll get the never. But, my main things is that he hangs around his friends, we've spoekn to each other about all of twice, and I have no idea how to approach it. I logged in last night about 1 AM my time, and there was one person I really wanted to ask, but he wasn't on where I was, and the place I knew this Sage was on, I didn't have the nerve to log into and ask. :(

I...well, the game I'm in tonight is cool, and I'll most likely have fun (especially if the French Vanilla from that coffeeshop down the way is still potent), but...there's stuff I would rather be doing. See, one of my friends posted about his night on his journal last night, and I read it and felt...jealous. Even if parts of it weren't fun, there's a part of me that would kill for that kind of real life. It feels more real than what I do, and the fact that my friends unconsciously deny that part of me hurts too much for me to really explain. I'll never see a club or a bar or anything remotely fun again. That conclusion I've come to.

I get like this when I remember that the last guy that hugged me told me a week later he didn't want to talk to me anymore because hugging me made him feel 'filthy.' And people ask me why I don't try.

Comments

[iceraver.livejournal.com]

Babe, you've got to force yourself to do things. That's what I do. I'm not exactly the most outgoing person in the world, myself. Yes, my characters are, but that's all they are. Characters I play. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do things on your own. And whoever said they felt filthy was an asshole. Plain and simple. There is no way in hell you can feel filthy from a hug. That is one of the biggest piles of f-ing nonsense I've ever heard. Forget them.