(no subject)

Out of nowhere last night, my mood spiked again. Which is odd, because I wasn't in any bad conversations, the chinese food was actually good for once, and I wasn't feeling pushed most of the time. My tax check even came in yesterday (Ka. Ching.) But, still, all of a sudden, I was on a downer again, and feeling all hollow on the insides. (Of course, this could be attributed to the Chinese food).

I find myself wanting/needing again, with no options on how to go about it. And the base of the need is that I want to get rid of the feeling that I'm always on the outside looking in, or that I'm the 'junior' member of any given group, or that no matter what, I'm never going to catch up to/be equal to those that I want to be closest to. Of course, being on their priority list would be a welcome change of pace as it was. It's the feelign that I'm always going to be in the dark, that me going through the days in the idea that stuff will eventually happen is just in vain.

I mean...if the stuff I want to happen never does, then what's the point? If it's all going to be yelling and sadness and hurt, why bother?

(no subject)

Which Star-Crossed Marvel Lover Are You?


I'm not surprised, actually...