Straightforward.
Nov. 4th, 2002 09:11 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dewingedSomeone asked me last night why I don't say things that are really on my mind?. Or, more specifically, why I don't say those things to the people that it concerns.
I chalked it up to experience. There have been a lot of times in my life where I've said what I really thought/felt/needed/wanted, and I've had people turn away from me very fast because of it. So, after a while, I started skirting issues, hinting at things, and finding myself never really able to say things in just plain words.
I still do it. I won't lie about it.
Lately, I find myself getting annoyed at myself for doing that. Even if my subconscious is practically screaming at me to not say things, because that way, I stay relatively safe. I mean, if I don't open and show someone the inner me, they have no target for the knife, right? It's hard, because I have no basis in personal experience that says 'being open and straightforward is the right thing, and won't break everything you've built with another person.'
It's either that, or I'll say something that's really on my mind, and I'll get a little chuckle or something in return. Note: I'M NOT JOKING. Thank you.
But, I am doing it anyway. Slowly. Saiod a few things in RL and on Journal posts today that are a little more straightforward that what I usually admit to, and I want to see what happens with that.
I chalked it up to experience. There have been a lot of times in my life where I've said what I really thought/felt/needed/wanted, and I've had people turn away from me very fast because of it. So, after a while, I started skirting issues, hinting at things, and finding myself never really able to say things in just plain words.
I still do it. I won't lie about it.
Lately, I find myself getting annoyed at myself for doing that. Even if my subconscious is practically screaming at me to not say things, because that way, I stay relatively safe. I mean, if I don't open and show someone the inner me, they have no target for the knife, right? It's hard, because I have no basis in personal experience that says 'being open and straightforward is the right thing, and won't break everything you've built with another person.'
It's either that, or I'll say something that's really on my mind, and I'll get a little chuckle or something in return. Note: I'M NOT JOKING. Thank you.
But, I am doing it anyway. Slowly. Saiod a few things in RL and on Journal posts today that are a little more straightforward that what I usually admit to, and I want to see what happens with that.