Prelude...
Feb. 23rd, 2002 12:43 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dewingedOk, I've been lax. I admit it. Work was hell this week, since some people are still out sick, and the father of one of my co-workers died Tuesday morning. My co-worker had found out over the previous weekend that he had stomach cancer, which had spread to his liver, and she felt ashamed for asking God to end his suffering. I agreed with her, to be honest. But it's not a debate I want to get into now.
And, my mood's been on the downswing, again, this week. I've been trying to fight it off still, and I'm making some personal headway, but any tangoble results remain to be seen.
Tonight, I went gaming. A lot of investigation involving the magic-using characters, to my Dwarf Fighter was left with little to do. Didn't mind it, actually. I had some good ideas about what was going on in-game, and people were impressed.
And, even though I'm surprised on how much I focus on this in my Journal of late, Christine showed up. ABout five minutes after she arrived, she pulled me aside. I didn't ask for news, but I did find out something. Apparently, Michael, and some friends of his, are at Christine's gaming store often. She said there were 2 days this week when they weren't there. Ok, so that blows my whole "He'll never show up at the store again" defeatist theory to hell. I told her, as I planned, I was going to be there tomorrow afternoon into the night, and she assured me he would probably be there. She told me they like the place a lot.
I was happy about it, right around the time the tidal wave of fear pulled me under. I mean, it was welcome news, but in a situation like this, it always end up where nothing comes of it, due to lack of social contact. Not so this time.
No so, and I have rarely been this terrified. I mean...what if? I've been playing that all week, but what if?
Carpe. Always carpe.
Tomorrow, I'm not backing down. I'm going to the store. For good or for ill, I'm going through with it. Fight the fear, fight the self-hate, and pray I holt it together until then.
And, my mood's been on the downswing, again, this week. I've been trying to fight it off still, and I'm making some personal headway, but any tangoble results remain to be seen.
Tonight, I went gaming. A lot of investigation involving the magic-using characters, to my Dwarf Fighter was left with little to do. Didn't mind it, actually. I had some good ideas about what was going on in-game, and people were impressed.
And, even though I'm surprised on how much I focus on this in my Journal of late, Christine showed up. ABout five minutes after she arrived, she pulled me aside. I didn't ask for news, but I did find out something. Apparently, Michael, and some friends of his, are at Christine's gaming store often. She said there were 2 days this week when they weren't there. Ok, so that blows my whole "He'll never show up at the store again" defeatist theory to hell. I told her, as I planned, I was going to be there tomorrow afternoon into the night, and she assured me he would probably be there. She told me they like the place a lot.
I was happy about it, right around the time the tidal wave of fear pulled me under. I mean, it was welcome news, but in a situation like this, it always end up where nothing comes of it, due to lack of social contact. Not so this time.
No so, and I have rarely been this terrified. I mean...what if? I've been playing that all week, but what if?
Carpe. Always carpe.
Tomorrow, I'm not backing down. I'm going to the store. For good or for ill, I'm going through with it. Fight the fear, fight the self-hate, and pray I holt it together until then.