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Sep. 9th, 2003 02:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dewinged-11:26 AM
-Variations on a Theme-
"I told you, Sal," I said, looking up to catch his eye. Say anything, do anything, but keep his mind off of Daniel. The big guy looked pissed, and here I was getting right into his flight path. Stupid, stupid...
"Back off," I went on to say. "What part of that don't you fucking understand?"
I realized I was speaking louder than what I thought would have been sane in this situation. Every other game in the pool hall had stopped dead, with the only noise being from the jukebox. I've been trying, since then, to think of what song was playing, but my subconscious blocked it out. Whatever it was, I was sure it was nothing appropriate to what was happening. The occasion of some regular guy standing up to Sal, who towered at least a foot over me and outweighed me by at least one hundred and fifty pounds, really doesn't have its own theme music.
But I had to think of something, fast. I could almost see the steam shooting out of Sal's nose, bull-like, while I heard the panicked breathing of Danny behind me. Oddly enough, they were synchronizing. That, or the fact that my heart was where my brain was and pounding away filled everything with a beat, whether it was really there or not.
I didn't hear the conversation, really, or what was said. But everyone heard Sal's little outburst. Everyone saw him pick up a pool cue and snap it in half. Everyone saw him advance on Danny, using the fat end of the cue like a club.
But only one person out of that entire pool hall got in between them, holding out an arm to shield Danny from the big man. Sal was huge, Danny was shorter than I was; barely five-foot six. Slender, red-haired, clean-cut, and he triggered some protective instincts in me since I first laid eyes on him. Which explains what I did at the time. Danny was too nice, and I liked that kind of thing. Just...something about him that made you like him. I wish I could explain it, but I was much better at reading others than myself.
"It's none of your fucking business," Sal spat. "Why are you standing up for that little faggot?"
Which, oddly enough, answered one of those questions I had had about Danny for months. Lord knows, I tried to find out. I asked everyone I knew who knew him, and there was no confirmation. But, now that I knew, I also knew it was Not The Time to talk to Danny about it. But I was going to, after this was over.
Provided we were both alive.
I gave Sal the nicest small smile I could muster. Hard to do when every impulse inside your head is telling you to scream.
"The things I do for love," I said. "You know how it is."
I heard a gasp from behind me, and to my left. That must have been Danny. I mean, I had been wanting to tell him for a while, but could never really find the time. Or, more specifically, he was always with his friends and I could Never Get Him Alone. And when I say 'alone' I meant out someplace else where we can talk without being interrupted, or anyone listening. That is one of the most frustrating feelings on Earth, let me tell you. Sorry, Danny, I thought. I wanted to tell you differently, but hey, shit happens. I'm not even sure it /is/ love, either. Intense like, yes. Urge to throw myself in harm's way to protect, yes. Love requires me getting to know you more, Danny, but I might not have that time.
"So, Sal," I added. "You're not laying a /hand/ on him. You want to mess with some 'little faggot,'" I said. "Then you start with me."
Now, since I never outed myself to anyone in that building, this came as quite the surprise. I was okay with it now, because I knew Sal would slaughter me, therefore saving me from all those stupid questions and comments the Proles would give me if they found out.
Sal gave me that 'I'm going to hurt you' look he's so /good/ at, and took another step forward. Instinct forced me to take a step back.
"wait, wait wait," I said. "You're really going to kill me, Sal?" I got it! I might be able to stop him, or hold him off for a while. Enough so Danny can get away. What about me, you ask? What /about/ me? I was, for the first time, doing something right. No way I was going to run from this now. "You're really going to do it, and deal with all the crap that comes afterward?"
Now, Sal get that confused look on his face. It usually happened with things that just really messed with his head. Those magic-eye pictures, long division, washing machines...you get the idea. "What crap?" he asked, and I knew I had something going right.
"Think about it," I said, standing up to him. Danny said something like 'Let's go!' behind me, but I didn't move. Not this time. I was going to stick through this, and whatever happened, happened. I was tired of the crap. All the half-truths, all the bull-shitting. "Think, Sal. You've got how many witnesses in here. They all heard this. They all heard what you said, and what I said." I narrowed my eyes, ready now.
"You touch me, Sal," I said. "And it's an automatic Hate Crime. Especially when it's someone your size against someone my size, defending someone slightly shorter than that. Yeah, big fucking man, wasting two smaller gay guys. Yeah, big fucking hero." I tapped my fingers against my chest. "So come on! Do it. Kill me.
"But within a day, I swear to you, this will be nationwide news. The judge will throw the book at you, put you in prison for life." Yes, my state had the death penalty, but I was being realistic about it for now. "And my name? Sure, I'll be gone, but my name will be on everyone's lips. Memorial websites, and a buzzword for gay rights all over the country." I felt my hands curl into fists, my voise rising with each prediction. "You know the old line 'Kill me and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine?' That's what will happen, man. You'll never stop hearing my name, and I will, in effect, be immortal.
"So do it," I said. "Do your worst, Sal. I want to live forever."
I was hoping that show of bravado would give him pause. Sure, it wouldn't make him love guys like me, but maybe it would give him cause to think about his actions. Maybe a little lesson in tolerance, and a little lesson that we don't take people's shit anymore.
And he did pause, for a moment, before raising the pool cue high, ready to bring it down on my head.
I braced myself, saying two words before the cue came down.
"Daniel..." I said. "RUN!"
-Variations on a Theme-
"I told you, Sal," I said, looking up to catch his eye. Say anything, do anything, but keep his mind off of Daniel. The big guy looked pissed, and here I was getting right into his flight path. Stupid, stupid...
"Back off," I went on to say. "What part of that don't you fucking understand?"
I realized I was speaking louder than what I thought would have been sane in this situation. Every other game in the pool hall had stopped dead, with the only noise being from the jukebox. I've been trying, since then, to think of what song was playing, but my subconscious blocked it out. Whatever it was, I was sure it was nothing appropriate to what was happening. The occasion of some regular guy standing up to Sal, who towered at least a foot over me and outweighed me by at least one hundred and fifty pounds, really doesn't have its own theme music.
But I had to think of something, fast. I could almost see the steam shooting out of Sal's nose, bull-like, while I heard the panicked breathing of Danny behind me. Oddly enough, they were synchronizing. That, or the fact that my heart was where my brain was and pounding away filled everything with a beat, whether it was really there or not.
I didn't hear the conversation, really, or what was said. But everyone heard Sal's little outburst. Everyone saw him pick up a pool cue and snap it in half. Everyone saw him advance on Danny, using the fat end of the cue like a club.
But only one person out of that entire pool hall got in between them, holding out an arm to shield Danny from the big man. Sal was huge, Danny was shorter than I was; barely five-foot six. Slender, red-haired, clean-cut, and he triggered some protective instincts in me since I first laid eyes on him. Which explains what I did at the time. Danny was too nice, and I liked that kind of thing. Just...something about him that made you like him. I wish I could explain it, but I was much better at reading others than myself.
"It's none of your fucking business," Sal spat. "Why are you standing up for that little faggot?"
Which, oddly enough, answered one of those questions I had had about Danny for months. Lord knows, I tried to find out. I asked everyone I knew who knew him, and there was no confirmation. But, now that I knew, I also knew it was Not The Time to talk to Danny about it. But I was going to, after this was over.
Provided we were both alive.
I gave Sal the nicest small smile I could muster. Hard to do when every impulse inside your head is telling you to scream.
"The things I do for love," I said. "You know how it is."
I heard a gasp from behind me, and to my left. That must have been Danny. I mean, I had been wanting to tell him for a while, but could never really find the time. Or, more specifically, he was always with his friends and I could Never Get Him Alone. And when I say 'alone' I meant out someplace else where we can talk without being interrupted, or anyone listening. That is one of the most frustrating feelings on Earth, let me tell you. Sorry, Danny, I thought. I wanted to tell you differently, but hey, shit happens. I'm not even sure it /is/ love, either. Intense like, yes. Urge to throw myself in harm's way to protect, yes. Love requires me getting to know you more, Danny, but I might not have that time.
"So, Sal," I added. "You're not laying a /hand/ on him. You want to mess with some 'little faggot,'" I said. "Then you start with me."
Now, since I never outed myself to anyone in that building, this came as quite the surprise. I was okay with it now, because I knew Sal would slaughter me, therefore saving me from all those stupid questions and comments the Proles would give me if they found out.
Sal gave me that 'I'm going to hurt you' look he's so /good/ at, and took another step forward. Instinct forced me to take a step back.
"wait, wait wait," I said. "You're really going to kill me, Sal?" I got it! I might be able to stop him, or hold him off for a while. Enough so Danny can get away. What about me, you ask? What /about/ me? I was, for the first time, doing something right. No way I was going to run from this now. "You're really going to do it, and deal with all the crap that comes afterward?"
Now, Sal get that confused look on his face. It usually happened with things that just really messed with his head. Those magic-eye pictures, long division, washing machines...you get the idea. "What crap?" he asked, and I knew I had something going right.
"Think about it," I said, standing up to him. Danny said something like 'Let's go!' behind me, but I didn't move. Not this time. I was going to stick through this, and whatever happened, happened. I was tired of the crap. All the half-truths, all the bull-shitting. "Think, Sal. You've got how many witnesses in here. They all heard this. They all heard what you said, and what I said." I narrowed my eyes, ready now.
"You touch me, Sal," I said. "And it's an automatic Hate Crime. Especially when it's someone your size against someone my size, defending someone slightly shorter than that. Yeah, big fucking man, wasting two smaller gay guys. Yeah, big fucking hero." I tapped my fingers against my chest. "So come on! Do it. Kill me.
"But within a day, I swear to you, this will be nationwide news. The judge will throw the book at you, put you in prison for life." Yes, my state had the death penalty, but I was being realistic about it for now. "And my name? Sure, I'll be gone, but my name will be on everyone's lips. Memorial websites, and a buzzword for gay rights all over the country." I felt my hands curl into fists, my voise rising with each prediction. "You know the old line 'Kill me and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine?' That's what will happen, man. You'll never stop hearing my name, and I will, in effect, be immortal.
"So do it," I said. "Do your worst, Sal. I want to live forever."
I was hoping that show of bravado would give him pause. Sure, it wouldn't make him love guys like me, but maybe it would give him cause to think about his actions. Maybe a little lesson in tolerance, and a little lesson that we don't take people's shit anymore.
And he did pause, for a moment, before raising the pool cue high, ready to bring it down on my head.
I braced myself, saying two words before the cue came down.
"Daniel..." I said. "RUN!"