Faith and fear.
Jun. 8th, 2002 12:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dewingedOk, despite being sick, the week has been relatively minor for me overall. I really don't have plans for the rest of the weekend, so I can catch up on sleep. Sleep patterns have been warped since last Saturday. I wonder if it's the coffee or something else, but either way it's not been all that helpful this week, online time aside.
Which brings me to some things I discovered this week. On a MU* I play on, there was a situation, which affected others but involved me. I wanted a few days to talk to a member of staff to see if we could work something out to make everyone involved happy. Now, when I talked to this staffer, I wasn't sure I would succeed in what I wanted to do. But, I chose this one because he has some IC say in what could and couldn't happen in the situation, and I've dealt with him since I first started there, and he has always treated me like an adult. Not that he gave me 'yes' answers to everything, but he always spoke well, and clarified a few things I had wanted to know in a timely manner and good detail.
And, somehow, I succeeded. I got what I was asking for. I...the place was bugging me for a few days, but this lifted my spriits a bit. You know, faith in the rationality of others and all that good stuff. So, I have OOC permission to do some things IC, and while a part of me is still a little afraid people are going to try and OOCly scuttle it, I have more faith than I did.
And, regarding fears. I was thinking this on the way home, about the fears I hold and how they effect me. I...came up with something I called psychosomatic cowardice. Let me explain. If fear is strong enough, it affects me physically. Like, when I'm around some people, or about to talk about some situation problem I'm not sure I'm all that comfortable with, I find myself unable to speak. Not that my throat closes up, but I have tried to talk and quite literally the words die in my throat. It's not physical as much as it's all in my head. I can sorta see where it comes from. Once bitten...
But I'll work around it, sometime. I think.
As for Rod's game, which I just got home from, I tried the coffee experiment. I got a 24 oz French Vanilla from Dunkin Donuts, and drank that throughout the course of the game. I wanted to see if it had the same effect as last Saturday, because I was really On last Saturday. But, I found myself...a little listless, but not as energetic as I was for the other game. Is the coffee, me, or the game Rod is running. Might be a combo of all three. Not sure yet.
I can sleep in a bit tomorrow. Need a haircut come morning, but I can deal with that.
Which brings me to some things I discovered this week. On a MU* I play on, there was a situation, which affected others but involved me. I wanted a few days to talk to a member of staff to see if we could work something out to make everyone involved happy. Now, when I talked to this staffer, I wasn't sure I would succeed in what I wanted to do. But, I chose this one because he has some IC say in what could and couldn't happen in the situation, and I've dealt with him since I first started there, and he has always treated me like an adult. Not that he gave me 'yes' answers to everything, but he always spoke well, and clarified a few things I had wanted to know in a timely manner and good detail.
And, somehow, I succeeded. I got what I was asking for. I...the place was bugging me for a few days, but this lifted my spriits a bit. You know, faith in the rationality of others and all that good stuff. So, I have OOC permission to do some things IC, and while a part of me is still a little afraid people are going to try and OOCly scuttle it, I have more faith than I did.
And, regarding fears. I was thinking this on the way home, about the fears I hold and how they effect me. I...came up with something I called psychosomatic cowardice. Let me explain. If fear is strong enough, it affects me physically. Like, when I'm around some people, or about to talk about some situation problem I'm not sure I'm all that comfortable with, I find myself unable to speak. Not that my throat closes up, but I have tried to talk and quite literally the words die in my throat. It's not physical as much as it's all in my head. I can sorta see where it comes from. Once bitten...
But I'll work around it, sometime. I think.
As for Rod's game, which I just got home from, I tried the coffee experiment. I got a 24 oz French Vanilla from Dunkin Donuts, and drank that throughout the course of the game. I wanted to see if it had the same effect as last Saturday, because I was really On last Saturday. But, I found myself...a little listless, but not as energetic as I was for the other game. Is the coffee, me, or the game Rod is running. Might be a combo of all three. Not sure yet.
I can sleep in a bit tomorrow. Need a haircut come morning, but I can deal with that.