Story: Finale.
Jan. 31st, 2003 02:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dewinged Yeah, I finally finished that short story. Who's yer writer? I'm yer writer!!
“You’re so sure of that.”
“You underestimate them.”
“So?”
“But you underestimate yourself more.”
“I prefer,” Jake said, “to refer to it as ‘being aware of my limitations.’” He turned to the taller Dawn Child, not letting down the shield as Brandon tapped at it again. “If…I don’t get my hopes up, I can’t get disappointed, right?”
And, for a moment, Jake actually saw a flash of anger enter Brandon’s eyes. And, for the first time tonight, fear seeped into the surface of his skin. Queen Mab, Wrath, the Mass, finals. Those he could deal with. But this one person being mad at him finally made him feel fear.
“That’s no way to live,” Brandon said, each word falling like an ice shard. A little more force was applied to the TK bubble; Jake could feel it. Why…after all this, does he want to be near me. “Jake…Jacob, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do which?”
“Don’t be mad at me.” Brandon sighed again, leaning fully against the force shield, letting it support his weight. Jake got a better look at his face, now. He looked…tired. Not sleepy, but that look people get when they’ve been working for three days straight, or pulling an all-nighter before that all-important Calc exam. Jake felt his stomach clench again. Like it always did.
“There’s a part of me, Brandon,” he said. “There’s a part of me that wants to hate you so bad.”
This woke the other hero back up. “Hate me?”
“It would be easier,” Jake answered. “Hating is always so much easier. You hate, and it covers anything else, and you can just take out every thought that way, and it stops the pain…for a bit.”
“Is this why you hate Scott?”
“Partly, but he did give me a very good reason. Reasons, actually.”
“Asshole.”
Jake blinked. Brandon said that. /Brandon/ said that? Ok, this was bad. “Excuse me?”
“Not you. Him. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”
“Hey, I wasn’t completely blameless in it. Not that I understood the whys, but I could have acted better.”
“Oh, definitely,” Brandon said. “You were a twit, from what you told me about the situation. But…you didn’t deserve that. No one does.”
“Thank you.”
Beat. “Do you hate me?”
“No, Bran.” Brandon didn’t mind the shortened form of his name. Not as much as Jake did his, but Jake learned to deal with it. Besides, the shortened form sounded less…formal. More familiar. He needed familiar, right now. The best time of his life, and Oh God, so much to lose… “I don’t. I don’t hate you, I don’t want to. And, I don’t think I can.” Slowly, so it wouldn’t throw Brandon off-balance, Jake let the kinetic field dissolve. “I mean, it’s why we’re out here. Because I don’t.”
Of course, Brandon adjusted well to the lack of pressure. He adjusted well to everything, it seemed. Physical or otherwise. He closed the remaining space between them, placing a hand on Jake’s shoulder. He has learned to control his strength since the Dawn, so Jake wasn’t pushed to the ground by the contact. But, a glimmer caught the kinetic’s eye, and Jake found himself staring. A bracelet. Small, thin silver links, held together by a simple clasp, also in silver.
“You kept it,” he said.
“Of course I did,” Brandon replied. “I wouldn’t throw away a gift like that.”
“But…how did you know it was me?”
“Hmm?”
“How did you know I sent it?” Jake didn’t label the box, and even wore gloves while wrapping it, just to make sure there were no fingerprints. A little overboard, but Jake was like that, sometimes. Put up as many shields as he could between the world and himself. That way. No one gets hurt.
Brandon grinned, tapping the side of his nose. “You held it,” he said. “Left your scent all over it.”
“My scent?”
“It’s unique. Everyone’s is.”
“Christ, what powers /didn’t/ the Dawn give you?”
“Not sure. But there is one. Courage.”
“That’s not a power, Bran,” Jake said, starting to squirm from the hand on his shoulder. He wanted to move away, but he also didn’t want to move an inch.
“Yes, it is. Strength, speed, the stuff you can do. It’s all tools, if you think about it. It’s not those, but what you make of them, you know? I…don’t think I’d have the guts to do what you did.”
“Well, you didn’t have to.”
Tilting his head towards Jacob, Brandon smiled again. Soft, unguarded, and a little scared besides. Brandon? Scared? This was so not right…
“Why do you say that, Jacob?”
He’s calling me that, again… “Bran?”
“I don’t want you to hurt any more.”
At those words, at that point, Jacob pulled away, reaching up to take Brandon’s hand off his arm. No, don’t look at the bracelet. Even if he does like it. “No,” he whispered, feeling his throat close. “No….”
“Jake…what?”
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“What you just said.”
As Brandon took the step forward, Jake took another step back. Anger…no, that didn’t cause any fear now. This. Possibility. That was a reason to be scared. So easy. It would be so easy…
“I meant it,” Brandon whispered, with a look in his eyes Jake never thought he’d see. “You shouldn’t be hurting. Not because of me. You deserve better. You deserve what would make you happy-”
“That’s it!” Jake cried. “See…that’s exactly it. You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what,” Brandon asked, his expression falling. It killed Jake to see that look. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t the way things were. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. “Tell me. Please.”
“You’re accommodating.”
Jake got an incredulous look from Brandon. “I’m what?”
“I’ve seen you do this,” Jake replied. “You…compromise, you give in. You never consider yourself, and only what other people want from you. You hate seeing people sad or upset or angry or whatever so much that you’ll do anything. You’ll tell people what they want to hear, or show them what they want to see…. Anything to take the bad feelings away.” He wanted to scream, but Jake forced his temper down. “Anything, for anybody, and to Hell with what it does to you in the process. I can’t let you do that, Brandon. Not here, not this, not for me.” The field flexed again, and the young man went airborne. Sure, Brandon could catch him. He was faster, and stronger. Most of the time.
The look on Brandon’s face made Jake sick inside all over again. He’s never supposed to hurt. He didn’t want to hurt me, but I did it to him instead.
“It’s not like that. Jacob, there are things you don’t know….”
“And I can’t be sure if it’s real or not. And…I’m not sure if you’re sure if it’s real either.” Jake bowed his head, not looking at Szember. “And I need you to be sure. More importantly, /you/ need you to be sure.” He sighed. Everything I ever wanted. “I don’t want to hurt you, Bran. You have to know that.”
“Then why do this, Jake?” Brandon climbed onto the ledge, balancing himself. Jake wasn’t too worried. Brandon never tripped, he could fly, and he can take a tank mortar shell to the chest and say it tickled. He wasn’t going to jump. And, he didn’t. Brandon stepped off the edge, making it look like he was walking on air. He moved towards Jacob slowly. “Isn’t this what you wanted? I mean, or have I gotten some signals completely mixed, here.”
“It is,” Jake said. “It’s what I’ve…thought about for longer than I realize.”
“Then why now? Why are you reacting like this?” Brandon kept his arms open, his fists unclenched. Under the tousled dark hair, his expression was one of confusion. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just…have caught me completely fucking off guard here.”
“You weren’t expecting this?”
“Not this.”
“But it’s what you, deep down, wanted to happen.” Another foot closer, another foot back.
“It is,” Jake said. “But it’s just a pipe dream.”
“Dreams come true, sometimes.”
“I’m not the only dreamer here, Brandon,” Jake breathed. “I can’t let you just do this for me.”
“But-”
“Don’t,” Jake cut in with, holding up a palm. “Let me talk. I…Brandon, if you don’t know what this is about now, you probably never will. But, you seem to know, so that’s a good thing. But I need something from you. I need you…more than anything, for you to know this is who you are. That’s it’s you who wants this, that it’s…really you, and not you adjusting to what other people want from you. It would be easy to just let you…but I’d hate myself later for the hurt it would cause you.”
Brandon sighed, the lost expression in his eyes clearing up some. “I get it.”
“I’m tired of hating myself.”
“So am I.”
“Of hating me?”
“Of you hating you,” Brandon said, that soft, shy smile back on his face. “There’s a lot to you, Jacob. When you let your guard down. You’re stronger than you know.”
“Me, strong? Then why am I still scared of this?”
“Yes,” Brandon said. “Strong. You…refused me.”
“No, no. Let’s not be too hasty here. I didn’t-”
“Nuh-uh,” Brandon said. “Now you hear me out. Don’t think…I don’t know what people think of me, or how they see me. The websites alone…” he sighed. “I know what they think of me. And…I think any one of them, in this situation, would have just caved into their wants, and to hell with what I felt.” Three swears in one night, Jake thought. This is what, Defcon 3, Defcon 2…?
“But you didn’t, Jak-…Jacob. Even if it…your dream came true, even if it’s what you’ve been wanting, you stopped. Because of me.” Brandon shook his head. “Do you know how cool it feels to be considered, instead of being depended on?”
“I’ve had a run-in or two with the experience, yes.” Jake lifted his eyes, finally. “Do you see why, now? You need to think. I need you to be sure. YOU need you…”
“To be sure. Okay, I get it.” Brandon looked back to Jake, and…it was innocence. Jake always knew Brandon had a squeaky-clean reputation, but…my God. This needs to be dealt with carefully. “I need the time.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah. But…this deals with you, too. I’m going to need to talk. I’ve…I mean.”
“It’s okay. I know what you’re going through.
“So you’ll give me the time?”
“Anything you want, Brandon.”
“Now?”
“Good time to start. Besides, it’s too freakin’ cold out here. I need to get indoors before I get sick.”
“And someone would have to take care of you?” Brandon just leered jokingly at Jacob for a moment.
‘Don’t start.”
“Okay, fine, be that way.”
“I can do that,” Jake said, starting to move away. We need time to ourselves. We need to be sure, for all our sakes. “I need to do some thinking, too. I need to go. But…call, or something? Just so I know you’re feeling all right.”
“Jacob…thank you.”
Jake stopped, and pushed out with his Psychokinetic field again. An invisible, feather-light touch to the other man’s cheek. A symbol, for what he wasn’t sure he was really ready to do yet.
“Thank you too, Bran,” he whispered, with a smile, as he turned and flew off back to the dorms.
-End.-
And there we have it. Makes me feel cool, that I finished something for once. Enjoy.
“You’re so sure of that.”
“You underestimate them.”
“So?”
“But you underestimate yourself more.”
“I prefer,” Jake said, “to refer to it as ‘being aware of my limitations.’” He turned to the taller Dawn Child, not letting down the shield as Brandon tapped at it again. “If…I don’t get my hopes up, I can’t get disappointed, right?”
And, for a moment, Jake actually saw a flash of anger enter Brandon’s eyes. And, for the first time tonight, fear seeped into the surface of his skin. Queen Mab, Wrath, the Mass, finals. Those he could deal with. But this one person being mad at him finally made him feel fear.
“That’s no way to live,” Brandon said, each word falling like an ice shard. A little more force was applied to the TK bubble; Jake could feel it. Why…after all this, does he want to be near me. “Jake…Jacob, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do which?”
“Don’t be mad at me.” Brandon sighed again, leaning fully against the force shield, letting it support his weight. Jake got a better look at his face, now. He looked…tired. Not sleepy, but that look people get when they’ve been working for three days straight, or pulling an all-nighter before that all-important Calc exam. Jake felt his stomach clench again. Like it always did.
“There’s a part of me, Brandon,” he said. “There’s a part of me that wants to hate you so bad.”
This woke the other hero back up. “Hate me?”
“It would be easier,” Jake answered. “Hating is always so much easier. You hate, and it covers anything else, and you can just take out every thought that way, and it stops the pain…for a bit.”
“Is this why you hate Scott?”
“Partly, but he did give me a very good reason. Reasons, actually.”
“Asshole.”
Jake blinked. Brandon said that. /Brandon/ said that? Ok, this was bad. “Excuse me?”
“Not you. Him. You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”
“Hey, I wasn’t completely blameless in it. Not that I understood the whys, but I could have acted better.”
“Oh, definitely,” Brandon said. “You were a twit, from what you told me about the situation. But…you didn’t deserve that. No one does.”
“Thank you.”
Beat. “Do you hate me?”
“No, Bran.” Brandon didn’t mind the shortened form of his name. Not as much as Jake did his, but Jake learned to deal with it. Besides, the shortened form sounded less…formal. More familiar. He needed familiar, right now. The best time of his life, and Oh God, so much to lose… “I don’t. I don’t hate you, I don’t want to. And, I don’t think I can.” Slowly, so it wouldn’t throw Brandon off-balance, Jake let the kinetic field dissolve. “I mean, it’s why we’re out here. Because I don’t.”
Of course, Brandon adjusted well to the lack of pressure. He adjusted well to everything, it seemed. Physical or otherwise. He closed the remaining space between them, placing a hand on Jake’s shoulder. He has learned to control his strength since the Dawn, so Jake wasn’t pushed to the ground by the contact. But, a glimmer caught the kinetic’s eye, and Jake found himself staring. A bracelet. Small, thin silver links, held together by a simple clasp, also in silver.
“You kept it,” he said.
“Of course I did,” Brandon replied. “I wouldn’t throw away a gift like that.”
“But…how did you know it was me?”
“Hmm?”
“How did you know I sent it?” Jake didn’t label the box, and even wore gloves while wrapping it, just to make sure there were no fingerprints. A little overboard, but Jake was like that, sometimes. Put up as many shields as he could between the world and himself. That way. No one gets hurt.
Brandon grinned, tapping the side of his nose. “You held it,” he said. “Left your scent all over it.”
“My scent?”
“It’s unique. Everyone’s is.”
“Christ, what powers /didn’t/ the Dawn give you?”
“Not sure. But there is one. Courage.”
“That’s not a power, Bran,” Jake said, starting to squirm from the hand on his shoulder. He wanted to move away, but he also didn’t want to move an inch.
“Yes, it is. Strength, speed, the stuff you can do. It’s all tools, if you think about it. It’s not those, but what you make of them, you know? I…don’t think I’d have the guts to do what you did.”
“Well, you didn’t have to.”
Tilting his head towards Jacob, Brandon smiled again. Soft, unguarded, and a little scared besides. Brandon? Scared? This was so not right…
“Why do you say that, Jacob?”
He’s calling me that, again… “Bran?”
“I don’t want you to hurt any more.”
At those words, at that point, Jacob pulled away, reaching up to take Brandon’s hand off his arm. No, don’t look at the bracelet. Even if he does like it. “No,” he whispered, feeling his throat close. “No….”
“Jake…what?”
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“What you just said.”
As Brandon took the step forward, Jake took another step back. Anger…no, that didn’t cause any fear now. This. Possibility. That was a reason to be scared. So easy. It would be so easy…
“I meant it,” Brandon whispered, with a look in his eyes Jake never thought he’d see. “You shouldn’t be hurting. Not because of me. You deserve better. You deserve what would make you happy-”
“That’s it!” Jake cried. “See…that’s exactly it. You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what,” Brandon asked, his expression falling. It killed Jake to see that look. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t the way things were. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. “Tell me. Please.”
“You’re accommodating.”
Jake got an incredulous look from Brandon. “I’m what?”
“I’ve seen you do this,” Jake replied. “You…compromise, you give in. You never consider yourself, and only what other people want from you. You hate seeing people sad or upset or angry or whatever so much that you’ll do anything. You’ll tell people what they want to hear, or show them what they want to see…. Anything to take the bad feelings away.” He wanted to scream, but Jake forced his temper down. “Anything, for anybody, and to Hell with what it does to you in the process. I can’t let you do that, Brandon. Not here, not this, not for me.” The field flexed again, and the young man went airborne. Sure, Brandon could catch him. He was faster, and stronger. Most of the time.
The look on Brandon’s face made Jake sick inside all over again. He’s never supposed to hurt. He didn’t want to hurt me, but I did it to him instead.
“It’s not like that. Jacob, there are things you don’t know….”
“And I can’t be sure if it’s real or not. And…I’m not sure if you’re sure if it’s real either.” Jake bowed his head, not looking at Szember. “And I need you to be sure. More importantly, /you/ need you to be sure.” He sighed. Everything I ever wanted. “I don’t want to hurt you, Bran. You have to know that.”
“Then why do this, Jake?” Brandon climbed onto the ledge, balancing himself. Jake wasn’t too worried. Brandon never tripped, he could fly, and he can take a tank mortar shell to the chest and say it tickled. He wasn’t going to jump. And, he didn’t. Brandon stepped off the edge, making it look like he was walking on air. He moved towards Jacob slowly. “Isn’t this what you wanted? I mean, or have I gotten some signals completely mixed, here.”
“It is,” Jake said. “It’s what I’ve…thought about for longer than I realize.”
“Then why now? Why are you reacting like this?” Brandon kept his arms open, his fists unclenched. Under the tousled dark hair, his expression was one of confusion. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just…have caught me completely fucking off guard here.”
“You weren’t expecting this?”
“Not this.”
“But it’s what you, deep down, wanted to happen.” Another foot closer, another foot back.
“It is,” Jake said. “But it’s just a pipe dream.”
“Dreams come true, sometimes.”
“I’m not the only dreamer here, Brandon,” Jake breathed. “I can’t let you just do this for me.”
“But-”
“Don’t,” Jake cut in with, holding up a palm. “Let me talk. I…Brandon, if you don’t know what this is about now, you probably never will. But, you seem to know, so that’s a good thing. But I need something from you. I need you…more than anything, for you to know this is who you are. That’s it’s you who wants this, that it’s…really you, and not you adjusting to what other people want from you. It would be easy to just let you…but I’d hate myself later for the hurt it would cause you.”
Brandon sighed, the lost expression in his eyes clearing up some. “I get it.”
“I’m tired of hating myself.”
“So am I.”
“Of hating me?”
“Of you hating you,” Brandon said, that soft, shy smile back on his face. “There’s a lot to you, Jacob. When you let your guard down. You’re stronger than you know.”
“Me, strong? Then why am I still scared of this?”
“Yes,” Brandon said. “Strong. You…refused me.”
“No, no. Let’s not be too hasty here. I didn’t-”
“Nuh-uh,” Brandon said. “Now you hear me out. Don’t think…I don’t know what people think of me, or how they see me. The websites alone…” he sighed. “I know what they think of me. And…I think any one of them, in this situation, would have just caved into their wants, and to hell with what I felt.” Three swears in one night, Jake thought. This is what, Defcon 3, Defcon 2…?
“But you didn’t, Jak-…Jacob. Even if it…your dream came true, even if it’s what you’ve been wanting, you stopped. Because of me.” Brandon shook his head. “Do you know how cool it feels to be considered, instead of being depended on?”
“I’ve had a run-in or two with the experience, yes.” Jake lifted his eyes, finally. “Do you see why, now? You need to think. I need you to be sure. YOU need you…”
“To be sure. Okay, I get it.” Brandon looked back to Jake, and…it was innocence. Jake always knew Brandon had a squeaky-clean reputation, but…my God. This needs to be dealt with carefully. “I need the time.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah. But…this deals with you, too. I’m going to need to talk. I’ve…I mean.”
“It’s okay. I know what you’re going through.
“So you’ll give me the time?”
“Anything you want, Brandon.”
“Now?”
“Good time to start. Besides, it’s too freakin’ cold out here. I need to get indoors before I get sick.”
“And someone would have to take care of you?” Brandon just leered jokingly at Jacob for a moment.
‘Don’t start.”
“Okay, fine, be that way.”
“I can do that,” Jake said, starting to move away. We need time to ourselves. We need to be sure, for all our sakes. “I need to do some thinking, too. I need to go. But…call, or something? Just so I know you’re feeling all right.”
“Jacob…thank you.”
Jake stopped, and pushed out with his Psychokinetic field again. An invisible, feather-light touch to the other man’s cheek. A symbol, for what he wasn’t sure he was really ready to do yet.
“Thank you too, Bran,” he whispered, with a smile, as he turned and flew off back to the dorms.
-End.-
And there we have it. Makes me feel cool, that I finished something for once. Enjoy.