Force Play

[dewinged]

There's a part of my mind that says I had to do it.

See, out of sheer frustration, I called Mike today. Haven't heard from him since the concert, and I wanted to vent bad. So, I was straight up with him. I wanted to eb social, I wanted to go out, I wanted to have fun.

And, I wanted to go to the Coliseum. Local gay club.

And so I said that. But he said neither he nor his wife would go there. They'd go to another (read: straight) club, but I said flat-out that I wouldn't have any fun. I wouldn't meet anyone, it'd be all couples and me, and I'd just end up miserable.

And so I talked to him. I asked him how many times I let him drag me out to the clubs, where his friends were obnoxious and I was bored to death. I wasn't comfortable at those places, and when he asked me why I didn't say anything, I told him the truth. I did. He just ignored it.

And so I told him: I was always there to support you. I'm asking for the same thing in return.

So, at this point he's saying 'I'll think about it.'

And, you know, I feel guilty. I mean, it hurts me that I can't have people just there for support, like what friends are supposed to do. But I had to shame him into this. I had to play most of the cards I had to get even this simple thing.

I know what will happen: He'll forget about it. When Saturday (And I'm free that day) comes around, he won't call opr bring it up. That, or what selfish shrew of a wife of his will complain til we do something else. If it comes to that, I will tell her what I've been wanting to say to her for a long time. "This isn't about You!" She's had it coming, and I want this to happen this weekend. I Need This.

Although, I have had some decent things. Bookf from Amazon for my birthday came: One of which is the first Exiles TPB. Suddenly, one of the chars I RP with makes a lot more sense. Downloaded a few tunes, and I'm listening to one I've been looking for for a month right now. The song below, it so rocks.

Nothing about the car yet. And...eh. Still want, still need, still wish things were different.

Comments

I know how you feel.

[gamerguy.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel. I almost never say anything to my friends or, more accurately, the people I hang out with, because I know that if I do they'll say 'Sorry, hope you can come next time' and go on and do what they want to do anyway. Like always. Seldom the movie I want to see, almost never the time I'd like to see it, etc. No-one ever calls and says 'I feel like going to see a movie, what do you want to see?'. It's always 'We're going to see this, want to come?'. And I go, simply because it's better than sitting at home. But I wish once in a while, the first thing would happen.